Chuck Norris Fact Sheet

Chuck Norris Facts

1. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
2. Chuck Norris proved Einstein wrong. For every action against Chuck Norris, there is a greater and opposite reaction.
3. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
4. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge.
5. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
6. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
7. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
8. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
9. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
10. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
11. Chuck Norris once walked away from a fight with two broken ribs and a dislocated arm. He hasn't given them back yet...
12. When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
13. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
14. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
15. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
16. Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
18. Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
19. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
20. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
21. MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
22. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
23. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
24. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
    

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